living, thinking and writing
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| PRACTICE living, thinking and writing |
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Monday, November 25, 2002 Thanksgiving break: Now I have time to think about life: (Posted at my high-school BBS) This is not a religious holiday, but I still want to hail Hallelujah! I got a break! No more teaching, no more project, no more annoying email from people you don't like- because everyone is holiday! I got a break! I can write something for my old friends now, I can sleep sound and well, I can even take a walk in the snowy street now. All these tiny little enjoyment can light up my day. I'm glad I do not have to sit up to work on multinorminal regression (What the heck is that?) And I will set myself free from this "teaching depression" for a while. God knows how much I've suffered since this spring. Dear friends, if you still remember me, you might recall that I'd never been a serious students in my youth. And those nice friends who used to 'help' me survive a multitudes of test and exams at high school, You will be so surprised how much I've changed since I began to seek life in this country. Well, I even do not remember why I was so desperate to fly USA 4 years ago. I belive that was not a very noble purpose. But I'm glad I came, otherwise, I would never know how good I could be, how much breakthrough I can make--to challege myself. Ok, here I am, still in the middle of the road to nowhere, but I am so proud of myself when I looked back. Life is so unpredictable my friend. As the wise says: Life is the ocean, we are driting with the tide. I'm quite a Fatalist, but the optimistic type. What I have today is not what I dreamed of when I was young, like the fate of most of people...Well, now I remember why I was so desperate to pursue life here- I dreamed to drive a Farreri Convertible along the sunny California coast with my dazzling scalf flying in the wind. Ok, like all teenage girls, I could not get over with some unrealistic vision of life for many years. Well, is the dream coming true now? Not yet. Am I still wistful for that luxious and fantastic life? I ponder and ask myself, and find shockingly that the desire for life of cospomolitan style is gone, and I could not help but redicule my once fantastic vision of life. Is there any "sour grape" idea playing role in this answer?... I think again... No, I can look into your eyes with complete honesty. More than that, I even feel lucky that life did not and will never turn into that very material way. Four years of dedication to being educated and until recently educating other people lift me up from the Farreri dream. I don't want to state here the benefits of higher education which will turn this little piece of writing to a funky preaching monster. Education used to be a tool I grab for survival, but it turns out to help me leap beyond the survival. In a nutshell, while I'm cursing all the toughness I've suffered for survival and pity mysefl for the emerging of grey hair, I'm so released that I get over with the practical vision of life. Don't make mistake about it. I never want to keep myself from enjoying life. But isn't that wonderful that you are free from vanity and yearning for wealth? Still, I have no objection for decent life, comfortable and affordable. That's it, that's all I want from the enjoyment of life. And of course, there is love and family, the fountain of joy. Well, It is a a kind of embarrasement for Chinese to declare how wonderful have marriege and family, but let me tell you this, IT IS one of the most most wonderful things in the world. I chatted with Weiqian the other day, and said that I should have had married ten years ago, then I can started to concentrate on my study or career. There was a lot truth in this assumption. The sense of security, warmth and mutural trust help us to conquer all the difficulties. I love Eagle's song "When we are hungry, love will keep us alive"... It is the Thanksgiving break, my dear friend. I lay aside all my work, and looked back the road I've been walking through. I let my thinkg wandering, floating and flying to you. It is the Thanksgiving break, it is a holiday for American family getting together enjoying laughter and turkey. We only have each other, and we hold fast to each other. We are celebrating the precious break from the heavy workload, we are celebrating the way we were, and we are celebrating the love and trust we posess of. posted by lmeimei @7:12 PM| permanent link| | |
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