living, thinking and writing
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| PRACTICE living, thinking and writing |
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Tuesday, April 01, 2003 Farewell, my idol of my younger years The death of Leslie Cheung is the headline story in all Chinese news sites. He killed himself by jumping down from 24th floor about seven hours ago. I was shocked as inexplicably sad, and wished it were just a joke for the Fool¡¯s day. An idol of my generation, he is truly an artist from every sense. Ten years ago, I hid in the lady¡¯s room in a cinema in Southern China during the movie interval, in order to sneak in for the second show of Farewell, my concubine. For five continuous hours, I was immersed in the tragic fate of an artist in the most turbulent years of China¡¯s contemporary history. And that is the only movie that I watched twice in theater in my whole life, not to say watch it non-stop twice. In the movie he has a very feminine name ¡°Dress of butterfly¡± and he was an actor dressed and sang as female in Beijing Opera. Confused of real world with the role he played, he thought he was a woman and he loved his male partner who was his lover in the play. His pure infatuation with art, love and beauty declares his desperate rebellion to the oppressing society, which make him the most unique and the most memorable character in the Chinese film history. But I didn¡¯t know that would be his real fate in the real world. Before we realized he is an actor, he was one of the most popular pop star and movie star. Though he sang a lot of stupid songs, and cast in a lot of stupid movies through his early career, you can not blame too much on him since he was made in Hong Kong basically. His magnetic and sweet voice accompanied me going through the long and lonely adolescent years, and his incredible good-looks set my aesthetic for princes charming. Undoubtedly, he got a lot of talents, singing well, dancing well and smiling well. And then we knew he is a true actor, not only as ¡°dress of butterfly" , but also in several Wang Kar-wei¡¯s movies, which are among the best film works in the greater China society. And like the candid artist he portrayed in ¡°Farewell my concubine¡±, he is the first Hong Kong actor bravely admit his bi-sexual orientation and was not afraid of showing up with his gay lover when he found his true love. Although the breaking of the news killed the dream lover of my youth, I celebrated the birth of an honest human being. Not pretending, not compromising, I could not find any better words to describe a veteran in that entertaining circle. And maybe that¡¯s the tragedy for a person of a sensitive heart, too truthful to himself and to the world. I imagine their grief and disappointments are more fatal than those of us ordinary people. I don¡¯t know why he killed himself at this moment, but I believe our personality determine our fate. Sometimes, the demise of a person declares a termination of an era, and that¡¯s how I feel now about his death. I had never known him in person, but he used to be my virtual companion and the last idol coming from my teen years. Now he is gone at age of 46, there is no idol left in my life, and I¡¯m approaching my 30. Maybe it is the beginning of a new phase of my life. I wish I could cry a little bit for the loss of a great artist, a beautiful human being, but maybe more possibly, just for the ending of my teens and twenties. posted by lmeimei @1:18 PM| permanent link| | |
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